


Healing

by Mistehri



Series: Soonyoung & Jihoon’s Roller Coaster Ride [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Constipated Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I lied, Joshua is a good hyung, M/M, Mentioned Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, No Smut, Soonhoon - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, and I oop-, but there’s a lot of tears, especially towards the ending, everything’s okay in the end dw, for like 0.2 seconds, i wrote this at 2am, it’s really cringy, jeonghan is there for like two seconds, kinda cringy, kinda dramatic, mild swearing, performance team is mentioned, protect these babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 22:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistehri/pseuds/Mistehri
Summary: Jihoon is tired, but Soonyoung is hurt. All Soonyoung wants is to go on a date with his boyfriend to that new kimbap restaurant down the street, is that too much to ask?





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

> So...since I have a collection of Soonhoon drabbles in my Google Docs, I decided, why not post it on AO3? Although I am not new to AO3, I’m new to posting my works here. Also, I wrote this at 2AM so if it’s crappy, you’ll know why, hehe.
> 
> Enjoy reading! ❤

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung calls, tugging lightly on the back of his boyfriend’s collar. “Let’s go eat out! We can go try the new kimbap restaurant down the street!”  

Soonyoung doesn’t mean to interrupt Jihoon’s workflow, but he knows when to stop the workaholic from overworking himself. It’s been a while since they’ve spent time together, and Soonyoung’s had it from the lack of Jihoon’s (questionable) affections. He’s been meaning to eat with Jihoon a few days ago but he was too busy making choreographies and coming up with a general idea for their next comeback. The only reason he’s decided to bother Jihoon is because he’s hit a block, and he can’t think when he’s hit a block.  

Jihoon is more or less the same. Once he’s hit a block, he stays in his studio until something inspires him. Unfortunately, this also means he can’t think if Soonyoung’s around him because his boyfriend is a walking distraction.

Unfortunately, Jihoon — much to Soonyoung’s dismay — doesn’t give in to his request. “Not now, Soonyoung,” he replies, sighing. “I need Bumzu-hyung to look this over and give feedback by today or I’ll run behind my schedule.”

Soonyoung pouts, fingers stilling. “But Jihoonie,” he whines. “We haven’t gone on a date in forever. Just this once, please?”

Wasn’t that just the sad truth? The two haven’t gone out together in a while. What with the new tasks given to them as the producer and choreographer of the group, the two were always busy, holed up in their natural habitats of the studio and the practice room. If they weren’t there, they were most likely thinking of ideas. As the group’s main engines, they couldn’t afford to slack off.

However, Soonyoung couldn’t think clearly, so he took it upon himself to visit his boyfriend, who was still holed up in his studio, which probably was or wasn’t a good idea.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon snaps, pushing himself away from his desk and rubbing at his tired eyes. He takes off his headphones and swivels around in his chair to look at Soonyoung. “Look, I know we haven’t hung out in a while, but I really need this done today. I already have so many other things I need to finish. I can’t waste time. Go with one of the other members if you wanna go so badly.”

_Oh._

That.

_That._

Soonyoung feels his heart sink. The fact that Jihoon thinks going on a date is a waste of time hurts him but of course, he doesn’t say that. 

Instead, he gives the best smile he can and says, “Fine, I’ll leave you alone. Just don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

Jihoon nods absentmindedly, already slipping his headphones on again. Soonyoung kisses the crown of his head but he doesn’t miss the way Jihoon throws a disgusted look over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the computer.

Soonyoung tries to swallow the lump in his throat as he turns around and exits the studio, phone out and already calling one of the members.

“Shua-hyungie? Do you wanna come with me to that new kimbap restaurant down the street?”

 

**—**

 

”Wah,” Joshua sighs as he leans back in the booth. He and Soonyoung had just finished their meal in the new kimbap restaurant and he’s never felt so stuffed. “Thanks for inviting me, Soonyoung-ah. The food here is really amazing.” 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, hyung,” Soonyoung says earnestly, cheeks stuffed with the last of his kimbap. “Thanks for coming here with me. I would’ve invited the others, but everyone’s either busy or on a trip."

Joshua huffs a laugh as he flags a waiter for their bill. “Don’t mention it. The dorm feels weirdly empty with everyone so busy. I thought I’d enjoy the peace and quiet, but I just feel...how do I put it?"

“Lonely?” Soonyoung interrupts.

“I guess you could say that,” the older man says with a hint of a smile on his lips. “I don’t know. The dorm feels empty and it makes me uneasy. I’m so used to hearing yelling in the background. Hannie was going to call for Channie earlier when we were in the living room, but then he remembered that our maknae was in Jeju Island. He turned to me and said, _'Aigoo, Shua, who am I going to call my baby now?'"_

Soonyoung snorts as Joshua sighs dramatically. “It’s only been two days since Chan left,” the dancer pointed out.

Joshua nods. “Jeonghan’s annoying me more because of it. You should come back to the dorms so he stops whining to me — Thank you.” The waiter comes and brings them their bill. Joshua glances at the receipt. “Wow, the total isn’t that bad. With how good the food is here, I thought it would’ve been more expensive."

“I’ll pay my half, hyung,” Soonyoung offers, already reaching into his wallet.

Joshua shakes his head. “I’ll pay. It’s the least I can do, with how hard you’ve been working lately."

Soonyoung feels guilt wash over him at the implication of working. “Are you sure?” he asks, just for good measure.

“I’m sure.” Joshua’s already getting out money from his wallet, placing the bills in the flap as he waits for the waiter to come over again.

“Thanks,” Soonyoung opts to say instead. “I owe you."

Joshua waves his hand. “Nonsense. It’s only fair. Speaking of hard work, you should invite Jihoon next time. Who knows when that boy’s been eating a full meal?"

Soonyoung swallows. “He’s busy,” he answers. “I tried inviting him earlier, but he declined. Hence the reason I invited you instead.” 

 _That’s part of it,_ he reasons in his head. _It’s still true._

Joshua frowns, and Soonyoung tries not to squirm under his piercing stare. Although Joshua is one of his more gentler hyung’s, he knows when something is up.

“That’s not all of it, is it?” Joshua questions casually, and when the waiter comes back and collects the bill, he doesn’t move. Instead, he leans forward, and it makes him  _that_ much more intimidating. “You’re not telling me something."

Soonyoung gnaws on his lip.

After a few more moments, Joshua continues. “I _know_ you, Soonyoung. If Jihoon didn’t want to go with you, you would’ve gone by yourself, but instead, you invited me. Unless you’re bringing someone else for the sake of just having dinner, you only invite  _just_ me when you have something on your mind. Care to share?"

Soonyoung exhales slowly. It’s frightening how accurate Joshua is, hitting his target dead on. “You’re way too sharp for your own good, hyung,” he grumbles. “You’re scary."

Joshua laughs then and he reaches over to ruffle Soonyoung’s hair fondly. He stands up and offers his hand to the younger man. “Come on,” he says. “Talk to me while we walk."

When they exit the restaurant, it’s dark. Fortunately, their company building is just a few blocks away, which gives Soonyoung enough time to explain his situation.

“Half of what I said is true,” he admits. “I did invite him, and he declined, so I invited you.” 

Joshua hums, indicating he's listening, so Soonyoung continues.

“When I went to his studio earlier, I offered to take him to the kimbap restaurant, because, y’know, we haven’t spent time together in a while, what with our schedules clashing for the comeback preparations."

“And he said no?"

Soonyoung purses his lips. “He told me he had other things to finish and he couldn’t waste time."

“Oh,” Joshua says softly. “Oh, Soonyoung..."

The dancer shrugs as they reach a stoplight. “At least he acknowledged the fact that we haven’t hung out in a while."

“That’s not what you wanted though,” Joshua points out. “When was the last time you two went on a date?"

Soonyoung thinks, and he himself is a little surprised at how long it’s been. “Maybe four months?"

“Four months?” Joshua repeats, incredulously as they start walking again. “Jesus, Soonyoung, that’s...that’s too long."

“I know,” the younger says bitterly. “But y’know, being the choreographer and producer of the group, we don’t really have time, do we?” He regrets his words the moment it comes out of his mouth, and he looks at his hyung guiltily. “Sorry...I didn’t mean it like that."

He doesn’t want Joshua to think being the choreographer of the group is a burden. He doesn’t want him to think he’s complaining about the workload and how everyone’s careers are partly riding on his shoulders. He loves his job and he knows the burden it carries. 

“It’s okay,” Joshua reassures, wrapping his arm around Soonyoung’s shoulders.

“I just...” Soonyoung sighs. “I just miss him, that’s all. I don’t think Jihoon realizes it’s been _that_ long."

They finally reach the company building, and when Soonyoung enters the code for the gate, Joshua speaks up. “Whatever you’re thinking, remember that Jihoon loves you, Soonyoung. He may not show it like everyone else, but he does it in his own way. Jihoon...he can be stubborn when he wants to be, and when he’s at his breaking point, he’ll snap. I just want you to know that in case something happens."

Soonyoung stares at the older for a moment, and he can’t help but hug him. It’s moments like these where Soonyoung’s immensely grateful for meeting Joshua, for looking out for him and giving him advice.

“Thanks, hyung,” Soonyoung murmurs, feeling a hand card through his hair. “I’m sorry — "

“Don’t apologize,” Joshua cuts him off. “Don’t ever apologize for your feelings."

Soonyoung pulls away and smiles at the older man. “Thanks for listening, hyung. It really means a lot."

Joshua ruffles his hair again. “I’m always here if you need me,” he says. “Goodnight, Soonyoung. Remember what I said."

“Goodnight, hyung.” Soonyoung waves as Joshua enters the dorm building.

Soonyoung’s smile drops. Although Joshua’s words helped to reassure him, he still can’t help but feel something crawl in the pit of his stomach.

 

**—**

 

Over the next week, Soonyoung goes to Jihoon’s studio, asking him numerous times to hang out. As usual, Jihoon declines, gesturing to the computer before turning away, missing the way Soonyoung’s face would fall.  

Today is no different, and judging by Jihoon’s increasingly frustrated tone from the last time he’s answered Soonyoung, the latter decides it would be the last time he does this before he goes back to choreographing. His block hasn’t disappeared, and he’s been walking around the building looking for inspiration. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind and his last resort is always Jihoon.

Soonyoung knocks on Jihoon’s door, and as usual, there is no answer, so Soonyoung invites himself in, placing a bottle of water and a cup of ramen on the table by the couch. He walks up behind Jihoon, placing his hands on his shoulders. The latter startles, cursing as he whips his head around to see the intruder.

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung greets, and the producer just sighs before turning back to the computer, fingers working furiously on the keyboard and clicking on the mouse. He looks more annoyed than usual, so Soonyoung waits until Jihoon clicks his tongue to say, “Cheol-hyung says that you — ”

“Just shut up already,” Jihoon snaps, and Soonyoung rears back in shock at the sudden demand. Sure, Jihoon’s snapped at him before, but it was all in good fun, not… _angrily_. “If you’re here to ask me to go on another stupid date, try again in two weeks. I already told you I can’t. I’m busy producing songs so we can have our comeback and I don’t need you coming in here every fucking day asking me to go on a date when you should be busy choreographing. Stop slacking off, Soonyoung. This is our career on the line, and you’re not even doing shit!”

Jihoon fixes him with one last glare, slightly panting from his outburst before he shoves his headphones back on and swivels back to the monitor.

Soonyoung is frozen in his place, face pale as he processes Jihoon’s words. He feels his heart snap in half. Slowly, he turns around and exits out of the studio, quietly shutting the door behind him as he robotically walks to the practice room.

Is that how Jihoon really sees him? A slacker? Not doing shit?

Soonyoung heads to the bathroom, hunching over the sink as one by one, tears begin to drip from his eyes. He covers his hand with his mouth as he cries. He cries for not being able to properly take care of Jihoon, for not choreographing as he should be doing, for feeling useless and uninspired. Most of all, he cries for a love that he knows he has, a love that he feels lately has been unrequited.

 

**—**

 

It’s a week after Jihoon’s outburst does the said man finally, _finally_ come out of his studio, caught up with his work and feeling more than ready to see a sight other than his computer screen.

He admits, he’s not proud of his little show last week and he can’t help but feel guilty, but Soonyoung will understand, right? Surely, he faces similar hardships as the choreographer of their group. He’ll understand Jihoon’s outburst, his burden.  

So when Jihoon comes back to the dorms, he goes straight to his shared bedroom with Soonyoung, no doubt in his mind that his boyfriend would be there, resting from a hard day’s work or singing obnoxiously along to _Moonlight Angel_. When he opens the door, however, he’s greeted with a clean bed and an empty room. He frowns.

“Jihoonie, you’re back,” a voice greets the producer, and he turns around to be greeted by Jeonghan’s bright smile. “It feels like weeks since I last saw you. What are you doing here?”

“I finally caught up with my schedule,” Jihoon answers, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. “I decided to come here and relax with Soonyoung. Speaking of him, have you seen him?”

“Soonyoung?” Jeonghan questions, head tilting to the side. “I haven’t seen him since last week.”

Jihoon’s frown deepens. “Last...week?” he echoes.

Jeonghan nods before sitting down on the couch and turning the TV on. “Last time I heard from him, Cheollie asked him to ask you to take a break, and I haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh.” Jihoon can't help but feel like something is terribly wrong. “I see. Thanks, hyung.”

Jeonghan nods at him, and Jihoon walks back out the dorm, and not a few seconds later does he run into Joshua.

“Oh, Jihoon.” Joshua smiles at him. “Glad to see you still exist.” He laughs at his own joke, and Jihoon rolls his eyes. Typical Joshua.

“Have you seen Soonyoung?” Jihoon asks straightforwardly.

“Soonyoung?” Joshua’s been spending too much time with Jeonghan because he does the exact same thing: a head tilt. “I think he’s in the practice room. Last time we hung out, he was going through some things. I think it’s best if he talks to you about it. I don’t think I’ve seen you two together for the past, I don’t know, _four months?”_

Jihoon’s heart pounds rapidly at the last part. There’s something in Joshua’s eyes that makes him feel something drop in the pit of his stomach.

 _What exactly does this hyung know?_ he questions himself. 

“Oh,” he says quietly. “O-Okay, thanks hyung.”

Joshua nods at him. “Take him out if you can,” he hums. “I haven’t seen him go outside since he’s taken me to the new kimbap restaurant.” He pats Jihoon’s shoulder before brushing past him and into the dorm.

Jihoon quickly goes the opposite direction towards the practice room, flustered, and sure enough, he hears muffled music coming from inside. He opens the door and peeks in, and there Soonyoung is, free-styling to the beat, face full of concentration as he tries to think of new ideas.

Jihoon feels the pit in his stomach grow bigger at the sight of Soonyoung’s pale face, and the dark rings under his eyes. He looks exhausted.

Suddenly, Soonyoung looks up and catches Jihoon’s eye. He seems surprised, but then he’s scrambling to stop the music. Jihoon enters the room as he watches Soonyoung wipe his sweat off with a damp towel on his shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” Soonyoung asks, and Jihoon can’t help but notice how straightforward he seemed.

Usually, Soonyoung would greet him with a wide smile, an excited  _Jihoonie!_ or some other pet name such as _baby_ or _my love,_ and an obnoxious smooch on the forehead or a tight hug. Seeing the dancer now, Jihoon frowns at the lack of pet names and affection and how dull the greeting is. He dismisses it though, looking up at Soonyoung.

“I finally caught up with my work,” Jihoon explains, and he misses the way Soonyoung’s fingers twitch as the dancer grabs a water bottle from the floor. “I was looking for you. We can go eat at the new kimbap restaurant when you’re done. You look tired.”

Soonyoung opens the bottle. “Maybe next time,” he says quietly, and he almost sounds bitter. He takes a swig from the water bottle. “I’m behind with my schedule all because I can’t figure out how to create a choreography for this particular song. Nothing seems to fit.”

“Where’s the rest of your team?” Jihoon asks. He looks around and notices it’s only the two of them in the room. “Are they out or something?"

“Minghao and Jun are in China to promote, remember?” Soonyoung answers. “Channie was invited to do a variety show in Jeju Island with Seungkwan, so he won’t be back until Friday."

Jihoon gnaws on his lip. It’s Monday. “You’ll figure something out,” he says eventually, carefully.

He doesn’t know why he’s being cautious of his words, but something inside of him is whispering, _this is your fault._ He doesn’t like it, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“Like I haven’t been trying for the last week,” Soonyoung says bitterly, eyes glaring at the floor as he dances in place, trying to come up with something. Jihoon doesn’t feel good. “I’ll be okay, Jihoon. Go back to the dorm and get some rest. You deserve it,” Soonyoung finally sighs, managing a small smile.

"Come with me,” Jihoon blurts out before he can stop himself, and he watches as Soonyoung blinks at him. He corrects himself, albeit flustered. “I mean, you’ve been working hard for the last few weeks. You deserve to rest too.”

Soonyoung stares at him, and Jihoon feels himself begin to sweat. He doesn’t know why he feels the urge to scratch something he can’t itch.

A couple seconds pass by, seconds that feels like years before Soonyoung responds, “I can’t afford to slack off.” He turns away from Jihoon, and the latter swallows.

Why do those words sound somewhat familiar?

_This is your fault._

Jihoon’s heart pounds hard against his ribcage as Soonyoung continues, walking away from him to restart the music. “Like you said…our career is on the line. It’ll be my fault if we can’t have our comeback. I need to have something down by Wednesday so I can show Hyelim-noona." 

Oh.

_Oh._

Jihoon remembers now.

_Stop slacking off, Soonyoung. This is our career on the line, and you’re not even doing shit!_

The younger man can’t help but feel guilty as Soonyoung begins freestyling again. “Soonyoung, I — ” he starts, then he falters.

 _No, man up, Jihoon. Apologize_ , he thinks to himself.

He clears his throat. “I didn’t mean what I said last week.”

Soonyoung looks over at him before pausing the music. “What?”

“I — ” Jihoon inhales deeply. “I didn’t mean what I said last week. When I said that you don’t do shit.”

Soonyoung stays quiet for a moment, and then he releases a soft, “Okay.”

Jihoon blinks. Once, twice. _That’s all?_ He can’t help but feel a little annoyed. He doesn’t know what he’d been expecting, but surely something more than an _‘okay.'_

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”

Soonyoung narrows his eyes. “What do you want me to say? What were you expecting?”

“I — I don’t know!” Jihoon bites out, and he berates himself for his short temper. He’s supposed to be apologizing to Soonyoung, but his mouth is moving faster than his brain can think. “Something other than just ‘ _okay_.' I didn’t think you’d be so nonchalant.”

“Something other than ‘ _okay?'”_ Soonyoung repeats, and he laughs. He _laughs_. However, it doesn’t sound happy. It sounds sarcastic. “How about this then? It fucking hurts, Jihoon. There, I said it. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t an angry Soonyoung. He opens his mouth to answer, but Soonyoung beats him to it.

“It fucking hurts when you just want to check up on your boyfriend and make sure he’s okay, that he’s still eating full meals and sleeping for more than three hours, only for him to be pissed off at you for caring,” he spits, and Jihoon has no time to breathe as Soonyoung continues. “It hurts when you’re apparently only seen for the things you’re not supposed to do and basically be called a slacker who doesn’t give a shit about the twelve other careers he’s carrying on his shoulders, and I get that you have to do it too, I really do, but you could’ve at least acknowledged that before you went off on me. We carry the same burden, Jihoon, and it hurts when you dismiss that so easily.”

Jihoon feels his heart sink when Soonyoung’s voice begin to crack.

“Not only that, but you know the exciting feeling when you want to go out with your boyfriend to that new kimbap restaurant down the street, y’know, to hang out after months of working and dealing with comeback preparations, only to be told by said boyfriend that going on dates is a waste of his time?” Soonyoung sniffs, and _oh no_ , he’s rubbing his eyes. “It just felt like a big _fuck you,_ but now he’s asking you to hang out? After a week with no — no communication? Physical interaction? I just — I don’t know what you want from me, Jihoon. You’re — You’re sending me mixed signals and I don’t know what to think of it.”

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon murmurs, his heart sinking lower as he watches Soonyoung blink furiously up at the ceiling, trying to will his tears away.

His tongue suddenly feels heavy in his mouth. He wants to say something, anything — anything to reassure Soonyoung that he will always be there, even if it didn’t seem like it. He wants to comfort the dancer, but his mind feels like a blank canvas as he processes the words Soonyoung’s saying.

“Like, one minute, you’re pushing me away when I try to hug you, and the next, you’re asking me for cuddles when we go to sleep,” Soonyoung chokes out. “I don’t know if this is your way of putting up with me but it hurts, especially when you have no trouble showing affection to everyone else. I don’t know why I’m any different.” His voice begins cracking again. “At this point, I don’t — I’m beginning to doubt if you really love me or not, and that’s fucking scary, Jihoon.”

Soonyoung breaks down, slowly sinking down until he’s squatting, covering his face with his hands as he cries, and Jihoon has never felt more guilty in his entire life than now. He’s such an asshole.

Jihoon is quick to run to Soonyoung, cradling him in his arms as he buries his face in his shoulder, murmuring, “I’m sorry,” numerous times. He can’t find the right words to say, but he says what he can, which isn’t enough. A small lump forms in his throat as he tries to say something other than _‘I’m_   _sorry_.'

“Be honest, Jihoon.” Soonyoung inhales shakily after a few seconds, stopping Jihoon from saying anything. “Do you...do you still love me? If — If you don’t, we can stop and — and go back to being friends,” he hiccups wetly. “I’m just so tired. I’m so tired of — of being hot and cold with you. I’m tired of chasing after you. It doesn’t even feel like we’re in love anymore. Jihoon, it fucking hurts. Just — Just tell me the truth, please. If you want me to let you go, I’ll do it. I just...I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

Soonyoung begins to cry again, and Jihoon feels his heart shatter into pieces as he feels heat surface behind his eyes. He cradles Soonyoung closer and rocks them back and forth gently, pressing small kisses into the dancer’s hair.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon murmurs. “Oh, Soonyoung. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I — I didn’t know you felt like this. God, if I had known, I would’ve understood why you suddenly wanted to go on all those dates. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon can feel his voice begin to waver, but he pushes on. He needs Soonyoung to hear it from him. “I know it doesn’t seem like I care…but I’m so grateful for you, Soonyoung, for — for taking care of me when all I cared for was work.”

It’s true. Whenever Jihoon holed himself up in his studio, Soonyoung would always check up on him every few hours to make sure he wasn’t overworking himself. When Jihoon would wake up in his chair from a nap, he would always find a blanket tossed over him, a bottle of water and a cup of ramen sitting on his desk, along with a blue sticky note that said something related to _Jihoonie, hwaiting!_ or _Make sure to eat and sleep, my love!_ Jihoon really doesn’t deserve Soonyoung.

“I just — I’ve been so busy with — with producing songs, I didn’t have time for anything else. That’s probably the worst excuse, but it’s true,” Jihoon says. “And I had no right to insinuate that you were a slacker. If anything, you work just as hard as me, if not more, and I’m sorry for not acknowledging that. I know…I know you have your blocks too, and I shouldn’t have disregarded that.”

Jihoon feels Soonyoung shift in his arms, but the dancer doesn’t pull away, instead laying his head on Jihoon’s shoulder and sniffing again.

Jihoon continues on. “I don’t think our dates are a waste of time. I’m sorry if it came out like that. I love going out with you. It helps me de-stress and free my mind, and most importantly, I get to spend time with you. I’m sorry we haven’t been going out as much lately. I’ll admit, I should’ve taken a break and accepted at least one of your offers to go out, but I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”

Jihoon stays quiet for a moment, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat as he tries to find the right words. After a few more seconds, he sighs and gently removes Soonyoung from his shoulder, staring him in the eyes as he cups his face between his hands.

“And to answer your question,” Jihoon’s says, voice softening drastically as he squishes Soonyoung’s cheeks slightly, “of course, I still love you. I love you — so much, Soonyoungie.” Jihoon’s voice cracks as a fresh batch of tears roll down his cheeks. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry for causing you so much pain. It’s — It’s never my intention to hurt you, or make you feel like — like your feelings are unreciprocated. I’m sorry for making it seem like you were the only one trying in this relationship. I just — I can’t express my emotions properly — ”

“You’re emotionally constipated, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung interrupts, and Jihoon can’t help but laugh wetly, squishing Soonyoung’s cheeks again.

“Exactly. That’s why…that’s why I’m always pushing and pulling you, because even after our four years of dating, I still don’t know what to do,” Jihoon exhales. “I don’t know if I’m doing anything right, but apparently I’m not.”

“Jihoon…” Soonyoung starts, but Jihoon shakes his head, sniffing.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you cry, for — for not showing you the love you deserve, for pushing you away,” Jihoon lets out. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner and for dismissing your feelings. I — I still love you, Soonyoung. I love you so much, even though it may not seem like it. I — Soonie?” Jihoon begins to cry, hands falling from Soonyoung’s face and onto his biceps, his head bowing as his shoulders shake. “I don’t want us to end. I promise…I promise I’ll show you the love you deserve, and I’ll — I’ll treat you better. I still want this — us. Soonyoung…I love you — so much…”

Jihoon feels Soonyoung’s hands on his cheeks, and then his head is being tilted up as he’s greeted by the sight of a wobbly smile. He watches as fresh tears stream down his cheeks as the dancer gently rests his forehead against Jihoon’s, still staring into his eyes.

“That’s all I want to hear, baby,” Soonyoung whispers, and then he gently presses their lips together.

And Jihoon wants to cry all over again because he misses Soonyoung so much. He misses the affectionate pet names, the fond gazes, and shy smiles. He misses the physical contact, the late night talks, and the romantic dates. He misses his loudness, his chubby cheeks, and his overall existence. He misses him.

The kiss is long and gentle, both of them becoming familiar with each other again. It’s also wet and sticky, their tears drying up between their lips. but Jihoon doesn’t care. He’s happy and relieved, feeling lighter than he has in the past few weeks.

Soonyoung pulls away, and Jihoon manages to catch himself before he tries to follow after Soonyoung. Instead, he wraps his arms around the dancer’s neck and cuddles up to him, sighing out softly as he closes his eyes.

Jihoon promises to himself that when their promotions are over, he’ll take Soonyoung to that new kimbap restaurant down the street.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, hehe. As you can see, I suck at writing endings...and writing author’s notes, so forgive me ;-; As I said before, this might’ve been crappy because I wrote this instead of sleeping.
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading! ❤


End file.
